Monday, February 28, 2011

Impared Relations

God meant for us to live in families.  He made man and then woman and then they made babies.  That is just the way He designed it, and my experience is that when you don't follow God's plan you always pay for it in some way.

This is demonstrated so clearly by Little Bear's difficulties in adjusting to family life.  He is relentless in getting what he sees as his needs met.  Of course, frequently his "needs" are things like food whenever he feel like it.  (Note: many children living in orphanages come to their new families are severely undernourished.  This is not Little Bear's case.  He is at the 50 percentile for weight even though he is not on the chats in height due to his fibular hemimelia.  He have been told to watch his weight closely so that he does not get overweight and strain his joints.)  Other needs are decimating the competition and being the only child in Mom and Dad's affections- the competition being his little sister.

The severity of his maladjustment is really only beginning to become clear as he begins to really master the language and become more expressive.  He is also beginning to trust us more and act less like a threatened animal.  Little Bear has mild food hording impulses.  He does not want to throw away food or give food he does not want to anyone else.  He lashes out, usually verbally, at the other children when he does not like what i am telling him, and he has a very hard time admitting when he did something wrong. 

I worry that he does not understand the limits that we have to put on his actions.  Pookie has many more privileges than he does but she has earned them.  For example, Pookie sat with her brothers at a tae kwan doe demonstration the other night, but Little Bear had to sit with one us.  But Pookie is going to stay where she is.  Little Bear would start with the older boys, but then begin to roll around kicking other and eventually try to walk into a black belt demonstration.  I worry that he will think it is because he is adopted, not because she is more mature than him. 

On the other hand the biting and spitting have all but disappeared and these challenges are working themselves out.  Bear clearly favors us above others come to us for comfort and support and that show a good attachment.  I feel like I am climbing Everest:  it's hard, slow and sometimes it's hard to breathe, but I can see we are moving in the right direction.

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