Wonder Boy and Jophus competed in their pack's pinewood derby on Saturday. Wonder Boy made a rickshaw and Jophus went with the classic wedge. The competition was steep, but when the dust settled Jophus won not just his den, but the whole kit and caboodle. That's right. He was first out of about 30 different entries. We are very proud, especially since mom and dad did not help at all in the construction of the car.
Adoptive parenting is not like biological parenting. I didn't believe it at first. Charlie made a comparison: We've been raising goats, and we got this horse. We've tried to care for it like a big goat, but it's not a goat. Horses need horse food and a different amount of space. They have a different temperament.
There are alot of reason that adopted children may need different parent skills than biological.
1. My biological children were never exposed to drugs and alcohol in utero. (We have not idea about Little Bear's experience.)
2. My biological were never sedated. It is very possible that Little Bear was. Who knows what was used and what it did to his developing brain and his ability to regulate his emotions.
3. My biological children began developing a connection to me before they were born. By the time they were ready to seek some independence, we were strongly attached to one another. Little Bear can be very conflicted over our relationship. Our attachment does not have the strength that the other children have. When it is strained and stressed it really suffers.
4. Little Bear has little emotional control. In this he is just like a baby. He hits that freak out place long before most children do. I am trying to learn new strategies to keep everyone level, but it is such a shift in my mind.
5. Little Bear has suffered more loss than my other children will ever understand. He has lost caregivers, language, comfort items, culture, physical skills. He has suffered a lot of pain from surgeries.
This leaves us with new challenges and we have to find way to meet them. Pretty much this week (after talking to a psychologist) I have been trying to parent him like a toddler-- with redirection and calm down time. Kind of like if Mr. Rogers was disciplining . More later on how that worked.
Russia to halt U.S. adoptions amid domestic violence claims
MOSCOW (AP) — Russia's Foreign Ministry is asking the government to suspend adoptions of Russian children by U.S. nationals following an "incessant string of crimes" allegedly committed by American adoptive parents.
Russian authorities say that at least 17 Russian children have died in domestic violence incidents in their American families. The Ministry said Saturday that the adoptions should resume only after Moscow and Washington sign an accord that allows Russian monitors to visit the homes of adopted children. A Pennsylvanian couple was convicted in November of the involuntary manslaughter of their son adopted from Russia. In 2010, a Tennessee woman sent her allegedly violent adopted son on a plane back to Russia — unaccompanied by an adult. U.S. citizens have adopted nearly 50,000 Russian children since the early 1990s.
By the way, I would have a hard time letting Russian inspectors into my home. In court we did agree to abide to what ever laws were passed, but I would not let an inspector into my home without a social worker or the police. I would prefer to meet with them at a social workers office, to be completely honest. Little Bear is very uncomfortable about the topic of Russia, bordering on scared. He does not want to hear Russian and the idea of visiting was very frightening to him. I am concerned what a visit from Russian officials would do to him.
Also, I don't mean to minimize the death of a child because that is a horrific thing, but if there have been 50,000 adoption and 17 death that is .032% of adoptions. I hardly think that is an "incessant string of crimes."
Last week was one of those hurry, hurry, rush, rush kind of weeks. We has three doctor's appointments in three days. Little Bear had a very bad week due to that stress that culminated in a total screaming meltdown from both him and me. It was not a bright shining moment for either us. He bit, hit, and scratched finally drawing blood. (I always said that I would be totally honest on the blog. I want people to understand both side of adoption. Adoption is a beautiful thing. We were called by God to do it, but it has tested everything in me. I'm not going to paint things things rosy when they aren't.)
This week we are taking it easy. I canceled school this week and took a little vacation. We have been so stressed out that we have no mental and emotional reserves. The smallest stress send us into a tailspin because are running on empty all the time.
I have spent time this week reading, going to the zoo and museums and spending time with the kids not doing school work. Hoping this will revitalize our school and re-energize our spirits.
"In effect, the president is saying we have a year to figure out how to violate our consciences"
Arch Bishop Timothy Dolan
The Obama administration and the Dept of Health and human services has mandated that Catholic and other religious institutions provide contraceptives and sterilizations in their health insurance plans regardless of their conscience or religious views.
We are not forcing our beliefs upon anyone else. We respect the constitutional right of all faiths to freely exercise their religion. We simply want that constitutional right given to us as well.
Bill Thierfelder, President of Bellmont Abbey College
HHS argues that there is a conscience clause, but it is so narrow as to render it useless. Once a religious community goes out into the world and serves people outside its own faith, that religious institution loses its exemption. Universities, hospitals, and social service organization would not be exempt.
So what? This is a huge attack on how people can worship and practice. This forces people to participate in an evil. While you may not agree that abortion and birth control are evil, I hope you can see how the next time the government infringes on religious freedom, it may be yours.
I am totally taken with this young lady and hoping that someone out there is ready to be her mommy and daddy.
"Dawn" is 12 1/2 years old and has Spina Bifida. I know that sounds scary, and I'm not making light of it, but there is so much more that she can do, than she can't. She uses a wheelchair, but can get in and out of her chair and can go up and down stairs on her own. when asked she said that she knows that being adopted and moving to another culture would be hard, but she wants a family and she is willing to work hard. She also knows that she will have many more educational and job opportunities her than in China where wheelchair use is not as common.
"Dawn's" personality just shines and I can tell shat she will grab any opportunity and run with it.
"Dawn" must be adopt by her 14th birthday. After that she is not eligible for adoption. She is on the shared list which means that ant agency doing adoptions in China can request her file and facilitate her adoption. She is also special focus so you can get permission to adopt before you even have a homestudy. Her birthday is Feb. 6, 1999.
Note: The name Dawn is merely a pseudonym. All you should need is her birthday and special need to get things going. On the shared list her special need is listed as "bilateral paralysis of lower limbs."