I found a great blog post about how to support others who are adopting. It has many truths in it that extended family and friends should know.
I especially like that the author tells others that the transition for the whole family is very, very, very, very, VERY hard. That doesn't mean anything is wrong or that things aren't working. It just very hard. Even after two years Little Bear struggles with emotional regulation and over stimulation. By the way, it is never helpful to express the opinion the "You asked for it" or "Maybe you shouldn't have adopted him" which at least one person has said to me.
The author also reminds others that parents may put up boundaries that seem unreasonable, but are important to create a cohesive family. Boundaries like not visiting often at first or not kissing the newly adopted child are very hard to understand. There are good reasons and they help a new child bond to the rest of the family. When you respect these limits you show a great deal of love and respect for the new child and his family.